Her First & Last Secret Admirer by Timea Tokes

Author:Timea Tokes [Tokes, Timea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Icheck the time as soon as we get in the car. I am really surprised that this whole scene only took twenty minutes. It seemed much more. I relax a bit, as I won’t have to rush. We will get to my parents’ in no time. Not that this doesn’t fill me with mixed feelings, either. I guess I’m just confused about everything, but still… It might be a bit early for the conversation we are about to have.

Telling them I’m gonna be a father, despite the fact that it haven’t even sank in yet. I know I don’t have too much time to think about it, and I know this is selfish, but I didn’t want it to happen like this. With the woman I love, yes, I wouldn’t even doubt my decision for a single minute then. But like this? What sort of future will I have? Again, I should think about my son, and what’s best for him, but I’m not sure having his father marry his mum just because of him would make him happy either.

I fucked this up big time. Anything I do, I end up hurting someone, and the more I try to make it right, the worse it gets. And I think if we tell my parents now, it becomes real. Well, I have to admit and accept it, that is. And it freaks me out. I try to concentrate on the traffic, but all I can think of is what next. I can already feel the fast approaching headache. I rub my forehead in a vain attempt to ease the throbbing, resting my elbow on the windowsill. The red light forces me to stop, so I can afford to close my eyes for a second. Not that it helps.

“What’s up, babe? You are so quiet since we left home.”

Quiet? I’m surprised she can’t hear my thoughts, they are certainly making me deaf. I slowly open my eyes, but avoid her gaze. Has she already forgotten our argument? Fine, I put on an act again. She is pregnant after all, so she is allowed to have mood swings. But what about me?

“I’m just nervous you know.”

I suddenly feel her hand on my arm and it makes me feel sick, not sure why. I try to force back the lump in the back of my throat and fake a smile. God, why am I doing this to myself?

“It’s gonna be fine, trust me.”

She says, and I know she is smiling, probably thinking about our future. A future without the woman I love. I just hope that time will help me forget and the birth of my son will make me love Kate again…

~o~

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